Host Lenny Nombril invites celebrity guests into the podcast to prepare waffles. Got Internet Explorer? Too bad. You won’t get ALL of the text and audio below. IE cuts stuff! Use any other browser.
For those of you who ordered WHEN WAFFLES MATTER celebrity spatulas 31 years ago, your ship has come in! A truck pulled up to the WWM kitchens Friday morning and delivered the 42,250 special bicentennial spatulas we ordered back in 1976.
Lenny was so excited he helped unload the truck. “I always knew they’d arrive sooner or later,” beamed the eternally optimistic Mr. Nombril. “We’re going to party like it’s 1976!”
Asked why the delivery took so long, the puzzled truck driver scratched his head and offered up, “Don’t blame me. I wasn’t even born until 1981!” The trucker had been genuinely worried that Lenny might get angry.
“Oh, these things happen!” brushed off the easy-going Lenny. “Heck, I’m still waiting for my wife to come home. She went ‘out with the girls’ April 8th 1965 and hasn’t returned since. But I’m sure there’s a logical explanation.”
Boxes off the truck, Lenny got right to sorting and filling the decades-old spatula orders. “I don’t want our listeners to think we forgot about them,” affirmed Lenny. So, if you still live at the same address you had in 1976 you can expect your bicentennial spatula within a week via UPS ground.
If you are deceased and no longer enjoy our podcasts, please e-mail Lenny at whenwafflesmatter@gmail.com and he will make arrangements to cheerfully refund your money. In 2007 dollars the refund you will receive will be $174.23 per spatula.
Lenny has posted a new podcast below. If you don’t have an iPod, you can still click the download link and save the file to your ‘pooter for later CD burning.
Not so spectacular for the poor suffering Lenny, we are sorry to report. He’s been extradited back to Iowa and incarcerated in the Hardee County jail. It all stems from his July bus excursion there to Poloroid-photograph every single rest room of every single Waffle House in three southwestern Iowa counties. Apparently the recent Senator Larry Craig incident at the Minneapolis Airport has cops nationwide on a feeding frenzy.
As Lenny cogently explained at his bail hearing on Wednesday, “Yes, my spatula may have come into contact with the police officer’s foot, but I was bending over to pick up a paper coupon for 10% off any Proctor-Silex product now through September 30th at participating dealers. Offer void in NE, VT, MO, MS, AZ, PA, WI, MA, and east Burtonsville.”
“The vice cop emphasized that he clearly saw a gold ring on my left hand. I responded with helpful tips on how to remove those pesky gold rings from around the edge of the batter bowl after a rather zesty waffle-preparation session.”
The judge didn’t buy Lenny’s story and threw the book at him. And we’re not talking the Betty Crocker book either.
“I really had Eggo on my face this time,” dispaired the affable yet wafflable Mr. Nombril.
Lenny presently sits in a tiny, rectangular cell. While awaiting his court date, Lenny passes the time composing anagrams of Aunt Jemima’s maiden name and using his tongue to draw maps of Belgium on his pillow case with his own saliva. Here’s his current fave YouTube video.
Lenny is out of the hospital and gushing with stories about his recent bus trip to Poloroid-photograph every single rest room of every single Waffle House in three southwestern Iowa counties. Marcello Presac drops by the Podcast yet is prevented from speaking due to the recent court order leveled against him. Not to worry: Marcello has vowed to counter sue those buttermilk bastards if it takes all of the tip money he regularly leaves at Bob Evans when enjoying the $4.99 ‘Festive Belgian’. Stay tuned!
When Waffles Matter has rescinded its maple syrup boycott against the IHOP in Laurel, Maryland; however, the apple butter prohibition shall remain in place until further notice. We apologize for any inconvenience. Please be aware that we will be making spot checks at the aforementioned eating establishement (we have our ways), so please don’t make us force the issue. Thurl Ravenscroft, ‘the voice of Tony the Tiger’, takes part in a duet and autographs spatulas.
The rumors about the restraining order imposed against Lenny are false.
Finally, we hope you like the new 55-minute format. Many of you e-mailed to say that our previous 73-minute format caused your syrup nozzles to clog with needless grief, heartache, and house foreclosures.
The debate rages on! The “circular dial” crowd defend their golden-brown beauties against all that the “lateral slide knob” bunch can throw at them. Ah, and lest we forget the “non-Teflon” purists who claim ultimate perfection right out of the box. Surely our distinguished panel won’t be able to settle this age old tiff in just a single Podcast, so do stay tuned! Then, in segment two, our own Fiona Frampsch has just returned from Belgium to delight us with all of the latest news from Ground Zero of Waffledom. Fiona plans to announce the dates for 2008’s migration to that aforementioned country. You won’t want to miss one single blueberry bite of her! Finally, as was the case last week, guest host Sir Landwell Scott is sitting in our kitchen for the ailing Lenny Nombril, who is still in the hospital with the ‘roids
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