Got candy corn? Marcello Presac is back in the kitchen spinning records, wigs, and spider webs for our Halloween Spectacular! He’s pulling ALL of the skeletons out of his closet for this here stack-o-waffles!
So enormously HUGE is this event the United Nations General Assembly has just proclaimed that Halloween will be held on Marcello’s birthday, October 31st!
No iPod? Download, save, trick, treat, and burn the episode to a blank, round CD for vigorous listening later on.
Call Marcello in the USA with your sparkling secrets: 206-984-3865. Or, throw down that spatula and get typing: whenwafflesmatter@gmail.com. Unless we hear from you we won’t unless we hear from you.
Safety goggles should always be worn when using heavy machinery around nozzles. If your goggles are not worn you will have to wait several years until normal wear and tear causes them to become worn.
If your nozzle is clogged or otherwise prone to causing clogs or causes of clogging, other than being wise you may simply try sitting in a prone position thereby causing the simple clog to become positioned.
Not all nozzle clogs are really clogs. Some are attractive. Others can bite you. Still others may induce the compulsion to try camping. And there are a few out there that you just want to whack, I’m sorry.
Never toggle nozzle goggles.
If clogging occurs at the base of a nozzle use warm ginger ale and an Emory board to do what, I haven’t the foggiest. I never knew what an Emory board was anyway. Same with cheesecloth. Is it fabric woven from stale brie or…what?
Lather, rinse, emulsify, repeat.
These six simple yet rather wholesome steps — along with the accompanying podcast — will prove ineffective in your life unless you follow these six simple yet rather wholesome steps. Download the mp3 and get that nozzle shining like a new dime. Remember that new-nozzle smell the day your drove your nozzle home from the dealer? Sure you do. Try to enjoy your miserable life. Lenny is just an e-mail away: whenwafflesmatter@gmail.com and would be excited to comply to a fraction of your deepest nozzle queries. His favorite human being is you, so call him at 206-984-3865 in the USA.
The suits upstairs who run this debris field of a website noted decades ago how deliciously golden brown the unsigned music artists are over at MySpace Music. Snuggly megabytes to your pinna are therefore in order.
WWM syruply supports and scrumptiously salutes the oodles of talented unsigned artists far above what our poor power can add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember the waffles we ate here, but it can never forget the music they performed here. It is for us the downloading, rather, to be dedicated here to the powdered sugar which they who emulsified have thus far so nobly advanced.
Lenny has obtained a signed affidavit from a guy named David. These documents have been unsealed and may go stale because they’re no longer sealed. At this point ‘twould be quite acceptable to feed them to the seals. Ye ploughman, when they were fresh they told of wondrous fables of faraway lands and Anacostia. Lenny homewardly plods his weary way and leaves the world to darkness and me. We shall raise him as our own and foam his collapsed brow with our own sweat droplets aged four years in oak barrels – not unlike Vernors Ginger Ale.
All shall be explained in this audio episode so stop whining, download, and get over it. Have your way with the podcast: Stream the sucker. Or save the mp3 file for later burning to a Cee-Dee.
We adore our loyal subscribers so much that we want to swaddle their iPods and sing Toni Fisher songs to them. Hark: E-mail us at whenwafflesmatter@gmail.com or simply call Lenny’s bulbous buttermilk butt and get him out of bed. Seriously: Telephone him in the USA anytime day or night: 1-206-984-3865. The podcast is free but the telephone call is not.
Enjoy the podcast and please support these wonderful MySpace Music artists.
Tenderly, our dad Lenny ponders the spent nose drop dispensers of his spent youth. How much did he spend on such a conflagration? Double the desired daily dosage dollop? And was his youth spent? Don’t know. Can’t say. Can’t even say if it was tenderly pondered. You may have already noticed – indeed many postings ago — that this writer enjoys unnecessary adverbs. It’s a device and nothing more. Banish! Away ye to the LennyLinks (scroll below/right) und doth view Lenny’s FACEBOOK page.
Here at the WWM corporate kitchens we’re emulsifying like there’s no tomorrow. You can too! Douse yourself in this new wafflecast post. Don’t have an iPod? Well, download the sucker and burn to a Cee-Dee.
Behold: We’re looking for a very first listener in Australia (seriously); so do check in if Bob’s your uncle.
Lenny has done it again. Handsome recipes await you in this latest download. Two of the sumptuous plates were inspired by a gaggle of dead Algerian poets Lenny met on his very first junket to Brussels. Beaten to a pulp and left to rot in the seething Wallonian sun, Lenny barely managed to scribble these crowning concoctions onto a soiled napkin before oozing into a nearby convent. If you can find a better truck, then buy it. Unable to speak the language and strapped for cash, Lenny rented out his tongue for weddings and bar mitzvahs until a Walgreens was eventually constructed around him, whereupon he paid the astounded cashier, received a friendly smile, and simply strolled out the door. With newly-found devotionals and thrice-weekly dancing lessons Lenny wanders aimlessly looking for the misplaced car keys of life.
You should write to us (you really should): whenwafflesmatter@gmail.com
Marcello goes trick-or-treating and searches for the meaning of life. Lenny decides he wants to take Rumba lessons after receiving a whack on the noggin. There’s more fun waiting for you inside the podcast, so crank up the hi-fi and have at it.
If you don’t have an iPod you can still bash that link to download and toss the file inside your pooter for later burning.
Hey, leave a comment at the MEET LENNY tab up top. Or drop us a line at whenwafflesmatter@gmail.com .
For those of you who ordered WHEN WAFFLES MATTER celebrity spatulas 31 years ago, your ship has come in! A truck pulled up to the WWM kitchens Friday morning and delivered the 42,250 special bicentennial spatulas we ordered back in 1976.
Lenny was so excited he helped unload the truck. “I always knew they’d arrive sooner or later,” beamed the eternally optimistic Mr. Nombril. “We’re going to party like it’s 1976!”
Asked why the delivery took so long, the puzzled truck driver scratched his head and offered up, “Don’t blame me. I wasn’t even born until 1981!” The trucker had been genuinely worried that Lenny might get angry.
“Oh, these things happen!” brushed off the easy-going Lenny. “Heck, I’m still waiting for my wife to come home. She went ‘out with the girls’ April 8th 1965 and hasn’t returned since. But I’m sure there’s a logical explanation.”
Boxes off the truck, Lenny got right to sorting and filling the decades-old spatula orders. “I don’t want our listeners to think we forgot about them,” affirmed Lenny. So, if you still live at the same address you had in 1976 you can expect your bicentennial spatula within a week via UPS ground.
If you are deceased and no longer enjoy our podcasts, please e-mail Lenny at whenwafflesmatter@gmail.com and he will make arrangements to cheerfully refund your money. In 2007 dollars the refund you will receive will be $174.23 per spatula.
Lenny has posted a new podcast below. If you don’t have an iPod, you can still click the download link and save the file to your ‘pooter for later CD burning.
Not so spectacular for the poor suffering Lenny, we are sorry to report. He’s been extradited back to Iowa and incarcerated in the Hardee County jail. It all stems from his July bus excursion there to Poloroid-photograph every single rest room of every single Waffle House in three southwestern Iowa counties. Apparently the recent Senator Larry Craig incident at the Minneapolis Airport has cops nationwide on a feeding frenzy.
As Lenny cogently explained at his bail hearing on Wednesday, “Yes, my spatula may have come into contact with the police officer’s foot, but I was bending over to pick up a paper coupon for 10% off any Proctor-Silex product now through September 30th at participating dealers. Offer void in NE, VT, MO, MS, AZ, PA, WI, MA, and east Burtonsville.”
“The vice cop emphasized that he clearly saw a gold ring on my left hand. I responded with helpful tips on how to remove those pesky gold rings from around the edge of the batter bowl after a rather zesty waffle-preparation session.”
The judge didn’t buy Lenny’s story and threw the book at him. And we’re not talking the Betty Crocker book either.
“I really had Eggo on my face this time,” dispaired the affable yet wafflable Mr. Nombril.
Lenny presently sits in a tiny, rectangular cell. While awaiting his court date, Lenny passes the time composing anagrams of Aunt Jemima’s maiden name and using his tongue to draw maps of Belgium on his pillow case with his own saliva. Here’s his current fave YouTube video.
Lenny is out of the hospital and gushing with stories about his recent bus trip to Poloroid-photograph every single rest room of every single Waffle House in three southwestern Iowa counties. Marcello Presac drops by the Podcast yet is prevented from speaking due to the recent court order leveled against him. Not to worry: Marcello has vowed to counter sue those buttermilk bastards if it takes all of the tip money he regularly leaves at Bob Evans when enjoying the $4.99 ‘Festive Belgian’. Stay tuned!
When Waffles Matter has rescinded its maple syrup boycott against the IHOP in Laurel, Maryland; however, the apple butter prohibition shall remain in place until further notice. We apologize for any inconvenience. Please be aware that we will be making spot checks at the aforementioned eating establishement (we have our ways), so please don’t make us force the issue. Thurl Ravenscroft, ‘the voice of Tony the Tiger’, takes part in a duet and autographs spatulas.
The rumors about the restraining order imposed against Lenny are false.
Finally, we hope you like the new 55-minute format. Many of you e-mailed to say that our previous 73-minute format caused your syrup nozzles to clog with needless grief, heartache, and house foreclosures.
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